The Black Dog

Depression is oft referred to as "the black dog."  And there are strategies offered for taming that animal.  I went over a list of pointers, steps, to bring yourself up from depression, and thought about where I’m at with each step.  You might learn something about your own depression from reading this, or you might learn something about me.  Whether it’s worth your time, who knows?  Whether it’s worth my time, I’d say probably.

1. Get outside.   I’m pretty good at this one, actually.  I love to get out, on foot, in car, by bicycle, whatever the means, or weather, or time.  I love getting out, and almost always feel better when I do.  Granted, I have skin issues, and the sun isn’t  my best friend.  And it’s been deathly hot here in Texas this summer.  So, daytime isn’t exactly my best time to be out.  Mostly, during the day, I’m only out to drive to the store, or to work.  I see traffic and stuff, see the people on the streets, see other shoppers, and the clerks at the registers.  That’s about it, but it does help me feel better.

2. Aerobic Exercise.   I could do better at this, but I do okay.  My walks are quite brisk, and I do some stretching.  I try to animate my walking, swinging my arms, and being conscious of posture and movement with my steps.  I keep up a pace near 4 mph, at about an hour a day.  Without question, the walking picks me up, mentally, physically, spiritually.  It’s probably the single best thing I do for myself.  Still, with my desk job, and my time at home on the computer, I feel I’m not getting enough physical activity.  I feel it in my legs, and I see it in that band of fat around my waist that I do eternal battle with, but never completely conquer.  I need to add something physical to my routine.  Any suggestions?

3. Omega-3 fatty acids.  This one seems to show up on every list of therapies for depression.  I used to be big on supplements, then I had medical issue with clotting.  Now I’ve redone my pill menu, basing it largely on the the blood coagulating effect of the various substances. I had to get everything approved by my hematologist.  Here’s what I take daily: Warfarin (rat poison commonly prescribed as blood-thinner), vitamins C and E, a multi-vitamin, a probiotic complex and an enzyme complex (to help with stomach and digestive issues), lecithin, fish oil.  I get my Omega-3 from the fish oil, I do believe.  I’m pretty sure I’m good here, on this part of depression therapy.

4. Sleep.  I sleep about 6 hours a day.  I work evenings, and feel best personally on an evening schedule.  I’m typically up to around 4am, and sleep till around 10am.  It varies a bit, but in general, if I sleep less, I’m tired, if I sleep more, I’m groggy, stiff, and tend toward head aches.  

5. Socialize.   Here’s where I’m really hurting.  I don’t have a life, a social life.  I’m isolated and lonely.  I go to work; come home.  I go to stores, go for walks, ride around, always by myself.  I don’t belong to any groups; I don’t go to clubs; I’m seldom invited anywhere.  I’m socially dead.  I could go on and on about the reasons for this.  Starting, maybe, with issues as a child that kept me out of class, and left me with a private tutor, thus missing out on important interaction at a very critical point in life.  The same issues kept me out of activities like sports, and camp-outs, and sleep-overs.  I was left out, and alone, for god knows reasons, and it was not in my nature to be alone, or left out.  I am a social creature, and I am a people person, but I’ve not been able to live as such.  

Interesting that, as it turns out, I am, and always was, very healthy, and the issues were more the result of bad diagnosis than of anything else.  Doctors always pretend to know more than they do.  We’re not that far from the age of blood-letting.  I was a victim of bad medicine, and I have to wonder about the treatment I’m getting now.  

Still, all that aside, I’ve got real issues, the gender issues that make me a member of URNL.  And I’ve not done well at coping with gender issues.  I don’t understand it all, obviously, and I have trouble knowing what steps to take.  I chat here a lot, mostly, and that’s the essence of my social life.  

Obviously, I need to come to terms.  I need to get out.  I need activities.  I need change.  Time to cry a while; see ya!